I was watching the news the other day and there was a story about a new study on the pain of heartbreak. A study at the University of Michigan looked at individuals who have recently experienced a break-up. They did fMRIs on these individual to look at the parts of their brains that were activated when they looked at a picture of their ex and then when they were experiencing a tolerable level of pain. The researcher found that the parts of the brain that become activated when we experience social rejection (a break-up) are the same parts of the brain that control the sensory experience of physical pain. (Kross, 2011)
This study validates what we have all probably at least once experienced. Break-ups are painful. When we go through a break-up we experience intense feelings of rejection, sadness, depression, etc. So how do we move on from a break-up and find stable ground again?
When we deal with a break-up or a divorce, we go through grief and loss. It is important to grieve the loss of the relationship you once had. Now when I talk about grieving, I don’t mean live in the past. Many of us get stuck in analyzing and reanalyzing what went wrong in the relationship. Spend an appropriate amount of time grieving and take the things that you have learned from the relationship, and then look toward the future. When can we learn from break-ups? Men are jerks? Women are too complicated? No, what we learn is within ourselves. We can learn more about our needs in relationship, what we are looking for in our partners, and what I talked about yesterday, how could we be the right partner.
Now to the moving forward, moving on, surround yourself with friends, family, people who support you and make you feel good. Then to the putting yourself out there; this is to be done when you are ready and feel comfortable. Take baby steps if you need to.
Live in the present and move toward your future!
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Crazy how the pain manifests in the physical region. It totally makes sense, because people always say (and I agree as well) how much it HURTS. Now there's proof that it really does!
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